Wellness Matters Webinar - Fostering Resilience through Life's Transitions

Life is full of transitions—whether it’s changing careers, navigating shifts in relationships, welcoming your first child, or sending one off to college. These moments, while often exciting, can also bring uncertainty, stress, and self-doubt. Fostering resilience during these times is essential to navigate change with confidence and well-being.

In this session, we explore strategies to strengthen resilience by embracing uncertainty rather than resisting it. We discuss the importance of reflecting on past transitions that were navigated successfully, drawing strength and insight from these experiences to guide us through current challenges. Additionally, we look at self-compassion as a crucial tool—reminding ourselves that it is normal to feel vulnerable and uncertain during change, but remembering to treat ourselves with kindness. We also highlight the value of seeking support from trusted friends, family, or counsellors, recognizing that connection and guidance can buffer the stress of life transitions. Through the webinar, individuals will be encouraged to focus on aspects of their lives they can control, such as their mindset, self-care, and planning, while acknowledging that uncertainty in some areas is unavoidable. By integrating these strategies—embracing uncertainty, leveraging past successes, practicing self-compassion, seeking support, and focusing on controllable factors—individuals can foster resilience and approach life’s transitions with greater confidence, adaptability, and hope.

Facilitator: Brandi Hoy

• Why do life transitions feel stressful, even when they’re positive?

  Even positive changes like a new job, becoming a parent, or moving to a new home can feel overwhelming because transitions disrupt routines, challenge our sense of control, and create uncertainty. During times of change, people may also experience shifts in identity, confidence, and daily structure, which can increase stress and self-doubt.

• What are some practical ways to build resilience during life transitions?

  The webinar highlights five key resilience strategies: embracing uncertainty, reflecting on past successes, practicing self-compassion, seeking support from others, and focusing on what you can control. Small daily habits like mindfulness, journaling, healthy routines, and reaching out for support can make transitions feel more manageable over time.

• What does self-compassion look like during difficult life changes?

  Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Instead of harsh self-criticism, the webinar encourages acknowledging that transitions are hard, remembering that others experience similar struggles, and practicing mindfulness without exaggerating difficult emotions.

• How can I focus on what’s in my control during uncertain times?

  When life feels chaotic, it can help to focus on controllable actions such as your mindset, routines, self-care, effort, and preparation. While you cannot control other people’s reactions, timing, or outcomes, small stabilizing habits like getting enough sleep, eating well, going for walks, and maintaining supportive connections can reduce overwhelm and improve resilience.

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Transcript

Hoy is a practicstudent this year at River's Edge Counseling Center and she is also a teacher in the St. Albert public school district and she transitioned into her current role as a school counselor 7 years ago. She loves working with children and youth of course that's been such a part of her career but also she's been working with adults doing counselling at River's Edge and very much enjoying that work as well. Brandy has three teenage children and she's been married 22 years.

So, she knows a little bit about life transitions herself and so her talk's going to be coming, I'm sure, from some life experience as well as knowledge from the field as well.

So I'm very confident this presentation is going to be helpful for everyone and offer you some support this evening. And with that, I'm going to turn it over to Brandy and then come back in a little bit.

>> Awesome. Thank you so much, Nicole. So welcome everyone and thank you for attending this presentation on fostering resilience through life transitions. Again, like Nicole said, my name is Brandy Hoy. I am a student here at River's Edge Counselling and this evening we're talking about something every one of us experiences, transition.

Whether it's a career shift, a relationship change, becoming a parent for the first time, sending a child off to college, or the many unexpected life disruptions that we all experience.

One thing is certain, transitions will stretch us.

And some transitions are chosen like a job promotion that we've applied for, but others are not. And regardless of which one it is for you this evening, we understand that change requires us to make adaptations and shift to a new norm.

Today we'll explore how to foster resilience so that we don't just thrive change, but we can grow through it.

All right, so a little road map for today. We're going to begin by focusing on the inevitability of transition in our lives, both big and small. We'll explore why these periods, even positive ones, can be a source of significant stress for us and how our bodies and minds react to change.

We can understand the connection between transition and stress is the first step towards managing it effectively. And next we'll pivot towards the core of the presentation which is exploring a variety of effective strategies designed to help us navigate these transitions more smoothly.

This section will introduce practical evidence-based tools and techniques from different researchers that will strengthen our ability to adapt and even thrive in the face of adversity. We'll discuss the importance of mindfulness, reflection, self-compassion, reframing challenging thoughts, and building our robust support systems.

Following that, we'll move into the implementation part.

We'll focus on how we can translate these strategies from theory into daily practice, and we'll look at specific steps that we can take right now, even before we leave this seminar to begin integrating these resilient habits into our routine.

This is where we bridge the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.

And then finally, we'll wrap up the main points just reminding us of the key takeaways for building enduring resilience.

And as a closing, there is a slide at the end that offers you resources that I've used for this presentation. if you wanted to take a picture or a closer look at them, you can do that at a later time.

So, my hope is that you leave today not just with new information, but with renewed sense of confidence and a personal toolkit, ready to meet life's next transition.

So, what is resilience? The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the process of successfully adapting to difficult and challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustments to external and internal demands. That sounds great, but how do we do this? And what can we do now to build capacity before transitions come up? And some factors that contribute to how well people adapt to adversity is first the ways in which individuals view and engage with the world. How are we seeing the world? Do we have a positive outlook on life?

The next one is the availability and quality of our social resources. Do we have friends, family, a therapist, support groups, church circles, whatever it is for you, that is a support group.

Do you have people around you that can guide you when you're walking through difficulty? And then the third thing is what are your coping strategies that can help you through the transition? And we're going to learn more about that this evening.

All right. Why transitions matter. So, some transitions can look exciting on the outside, a promotion, a new baby, a new home, but internally they can sometimes feel destabilizing. Why is this? Well, transitions challenge our routines. They disrupt our day-to-day which can be difficult because naturally people appreciate predictability. They can challenge our sense of control.

There's a lot of unknowns involved when we have a new baby or when we switch to a new job.

And that uncertainty can make us feel less in control. They can challenge our identity. depending on what the transition is, our identity shifts and we no longer know who we are. And so we're we're trying to find that it's challenging who are we now now that we've become a parent, now that we have this new job. and and just trying to make sense of that. And it also can challenge our confidence. Transitions can be difficult because they're often unfamiliar, and it's a change and therefore it takes time to get used to and build your confidence.

Again, even positive change can trigger stress because our nervous system prefers prefers predictability.

A quick question, and this is where it's great to have paper and pen if you want to jot down notes or just engage with some of the questions that I'm asking. Paper and pencil is a really great idea, but a quick reflection question on why transitions matter.

Think of a transition in your past that has stretched you.

What made it difficult? Was it the uncertainty? Was there a loss of something or someone? Did it include a shift to your identity? Or was there increased responsibility that came with that transition?

And I'm just going to give you a minute to write that down for yourself.

What was it about that transition that stretched you?

All right, now looking at understanding transitions and our stress response, what actually happens during a transition? And these two slides excuse me these two slides are a little bit similar but what actually happens during the transition is there is a loss of predictability.

Remember as humans we like predictability. We do not know what is coming next. There's this unknown. Also there's there could be an identity shift.

In the case of a promotion we take on a new role, and maybe we are a supervisor now and before we were an employee there's a shift in identity there and in uncertainty comes with that.

There's also increased stress response. So our stress is higher because things are changing and we've not created a new norm for ourselves. So it feels more stressful and there might be self-doubt.

This can increase because of the unknowns. There's a question of our own capability and it begins to rattle our confidence.

Bnee Brown is a a famous researcher. She does a lot of work with vulnerability and she said it best. Vulnerability and uncertainty are pathways to growth. If we want to grow and evolve, we need to embrace these uncertain moments and learn what we can with them. And this is a theme that you're going to see woven throughout this presentation.

All right. I love this visual because it it really does show the difficulty of transition but recognizing that even though you're going through that valley, you do come out the other side.

So, William Bridges distinguishes between change and transition. He said that change is the external event while transition is the internal psychological process that we go through to make sense of the change. Bridges shares the three phases of transition.

So starting at the top here, the ending. All transitions begin with an ending. They require us to let go of our old identity, old routines, maybe an old role that we used to play.

And this phase can include feelings of grief because there's an end to something. Maybe there's fear involved or a a certain resistance and it can be disorienting.

But it's really important that during this ending stage that we don't rush through it, that we honor what we're leaving behind in order for true healing to happen. And then the neutral zone. again, the picture is just so perfect of this string that is going a 100 different ways, not really sure how to navigate this section. the neutral zone is the in between time. The old is gone and the new has not yet formed.

This phase can be uncomfortable. It can feel lonely. It can feel confusing, but it's full of potential. Like winter seeds germinating beneath the surface, which we're hoping is happening right now. This phase involves not knowing. It's a restlessness or an inner reflection and there's a need for rest in this in this phase. therapy, mindfulness and journal journaling are powerful resources here. They can help us metabolize change into transformation.

Most of the discomfort of transition really happens in this neutral zone when the old identity is gone but the new one isn't quite solid or or formed yet.

But eventually we start to come out of that valley and into the new beginnings where a new identity, a new direction eventually emerges. Whether gradual or sudden, this phase brings renewed energy, a clarity of purpose, a new sense of self, and re-engagement. New beginnings mix excitement and anxiety. They move slowly and let the new path take shape.

If you feel disoriented during change, that is normal. It's part of the process. Transitions often bring a wave of emotions. You could feel excitement and then anxiety and then grief and then self-doubt and then there's hope.

We often expect ourselves to handle it better, but vulnerability and uncertainty are part of growth. If you feel unsteady during the change, it doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're adapting.

All right. again, definition for resilience. So, resilience can be misunderstood. It's not toughness and it's not suppressing our emotions and it's not pretending everything's fine.

Dr. Anne Masten calls resilience ordinary magic. And I love this term because it means it's not rare or extraordinary. It's built through everyday protective factors like connection, reflection, and adaptive thinking. Resilience is the ability to bend without breaking. And sometimes to grow stronger under pressure. And I, you know, the image that comes to mind is diamonds. They have to go through immense pressure to to become diamonds and you know in order for us to grow and change we we need to endure and go through those those challenging times.

Resilience is adaptability. It's the ability to adapt and navigate forward not just survive. Psychological flexibility is about shifting our mindsets, accepting challenging emotions, but remaining committed to those emotions that align with our core values.

And then finally, it's the ability to not only recover, but also grow through stressful situations. Gver Tule said that persistence and resilience only come from being given the chance to work through difficult problems.

And although difficult situations are hard and we want to avoid them and we don't want to go through them, this is how we build persistence and resilience.

All right, again Dr. an Masten said resilience is built not born and she shared that people assume that resiliency is a personality trait that you either have it or you don't but research consistently shows that resilience is developed through supportive relationships developing coping skills meaning making self-awareness and this is actually really empowering because it means that each of us can strengthen our resilience intentionally.

None of us are without hope. There is hope that we we can build that resilience within us. All right. So we're going to transition now into the core strategies.

And this is kind of the meat and potatoes of the presentation.

All right. Susan David. So, the first strategy is stop fighting the unknown. Susan David shared with us about emotional agility and what embracing uncertainty might look like.

So, our instinct during change is to fight uncertainty. We want to remain in the same space to to try and keep things as similar as possible because consistency feels safe, right?

So our instinct during changes to fight that uncertainty, but resistance often increases our anxiety. instead, emotional agility involves us to name what we're feeling, both good and bad.

It requires us to name the certain and the uncertain. it it requires us to accept uncertainty as part of growth. And this is part of the process. I'm growing and I'm learning through this. And it helps us to shift from why is this happening to me to what can I learn from this situation? What is this teaching me?

And by looking at the circumstance differently, we can begin to shift our perspective from a place of panic to a place of surrender and willingness to learn and grow through this situation.

You can't control every outcome, but you can control your response. And I have another reflection question for you. What's one uncertainty that you are currently resisting?

If you have a transition in your life right now, what is that one uncertainty that you are resisting? And how can you shift your mindset even just a little bit to be more open to what the situation can teach you? right now in the moment. So, I'll give you a second to think about that. What's one uncertainty you're currently resisting and how can you shift your mindset to be more open about the moment.

And this next slide actually goes with the first one. So again, I'll just go back. Stop fighting the unknown, and I this was shared actually in in one of our training sessions at River's Edge with the students that I'm with and I just thought you know this fits so beautifully right here on my presentation.

So I thought I would just add it. Dr. Kirsten Nef explains how suffering is a product of our pain times our resistance.

So the pain the situation won't change the pain that you feel in the situation won't change but your resistance is what is changing. So the pain is multiplied by how much you're resisting the situation and that will equal how much suffering you're going to endure. So when we let go of our resistance, our discomfort becomes more manageable.

A simple example is something like a flight delay. Once you accept the change of events, understanding that there's nothing you can do and you're not going to be upset about it. You're going to choose not to be upset about it. It just is what it is. You become present in the moment and are able to move forward much more quickly.

So the next time you find yourself in a painful experience, whether it's a change of plans, maybe it's physical pain, maybe it's life not going as you'd hope it would, I want you to play with the practice of acceptance.

So there's a few quick little tips here.

Number one, notice when something feels painful or uncomfortable.

Just take notice of it. This doesn't feel good.

Observe your thoughts of resistance as they arrive.

This shouldn't be happening to me.

Why is this happening to me? Why me?

And then let that pass.

What can I learn from this situation? Regain your center by accepting new circumstances and allow yourself to arrive fully in this new situation.

And then bring mindfulness to the physical sensation of experience.

Notice that they're temporary and they'll pass. And then continue the practice as life continues to change.

Whenever you find yourself holding on to some something a resistant thought a situation, do your best to just take a breath and let it go.

Okay. And strategy number two, reflect on past successes.

So, one of the fastest ways to build resilience is to look backwards. And I just thought that was kind of funny because really we we encourage people to look forward into our future. But it really does make sense.

Ask yourself, when have I handled change well before?

Draw from past experiences. What strength did I use to help me go through this tough experience? And who helped me? Who was in my corner walking with me through the challenge?

I call this building your resilience resume. So, think through those questions and and write them down. one transition that you navigated successfully. What strengths did you use and who was in your corner? So, the situation, your strengths, and who helped you. I'll give you a minute to do that. Your own lived evidence is more powerful than anyone's positive affirmation.

All right. we're going to move on to strategy number three and this is practice self-compassion. So during transitions, our inner critic often gets louder. But Dr. Kirsten Nef shares that self-compassion includes three parts. Self-kindness instead of self-criticism. So self-compassion means being kind, understanding towards ourel when we suffer, fail or feel inadequate rather than ignoring our pain or you know pelting ourselves with the self-criticism.

We're warm and supportive when confronted with the imperfections of life rather than cold and harsh with ourselves. We're helpful and encouraging like a good friend, coach, or mentor would be.

So really that number one self-kindness is is treating oursel like we would treat a friend who's going through the same situation. And then number two is to recognize common humanity. I'm not alone. The very definition of being human means being vulnerable, flawed, and imperfect.

And when we're self-compassionate, we recognize that our suffering connects us rather than separates us from others.

And that's really powerful understanding that that connection is is really part of what is going to carry us and support us through those difficult times. And then mindfulness, noticing pain without exaggerating it.

So mindfulness allows us to turn towards the pain that we're feeling with acceptance of the present moment and and the reality that we're in.

This is difficult. This has been hard for me.

It prevents us becoming over identified with difficult thoughts and feelings so we aren't swept away by a negative reactivity. I'm just going to do a a quick little self-compassion exercise with you. you can join in if you like. It's very short, but one of the things that she has on her website, and I will share this with you it is just small little exercises that you can do to develop self-compassion and and help you through those difficult times.

But she talks about placing your hand on your heart. And then silently saying to yourself, "This is hard. Others feel this too. I can be kind to myself in this moment."

Acknowledge the feeling. This is hard. Others feel this too. Human, the human part. I can be kind to myself in this moment.

And that's the mindfulness part. Self-compassion doesn't make you weak, it stabilizes you. All right. moving on to strategy number four. seek support.

So, resilience is relational. Research consistently shows that connection is the strongest protective factor during stress. Ask yourself, who can I be honest with? Who grounds me? Who reminds me of my strengths? Once you identify that person, reach out to them and share what it is that you've been going through. Do not keep it to yourself because you need others to lean on and support you during this time. Remind yourself that you're not alone.

And really, if you don't have anyone in your circle that you feel like you can be honest with that you feel grounds you or reminds you of your strength, I would seek therapy. because I feel like a good therapist would be honest, would ground you and also really remind you of your strengths.

Support isn't a luxury. It's a resilient strategy.

All right. and then the final the final strategy is to focus on what you can control. And this is tricky, but we're going to go through it.

So, this diagram really does a nice job of showing your inner circle, things you can control, your outer circle, things you can't control. When life feels chaotic, clarity comes from focusing on what is in your control.

So, things that are in your control, your effort. So, what energy do you have to move forward? your daily routines. What routines have you established and maintained to give you a sense of control? Your mindset, both positive and negative, you decide what you dwell on your self-care. What are you doing to take care of yourself in this moment? Are you eating healthy? Are you getting enough sleep? Have you surrounded yourself with support? Have you reached out for support? and have you found connections with others who might even be going through the same thing as you and that's where you know some of the support groups that Nicole shared with us in the beginning maybe could be really helpful for you and then preparation. What can you prepare yourself for and what is unpredictable?

And then items or things that are outside of your control, other people's reactions, timing of things and outcomes. Small stabilizing habits during transitions can dramatically reduce overwhelm. Get enough sleep. Eat your three meals. Try and eat healthy. Try and get out for walks.

What is and then I'll ask this reflection question. What is one small action you can control this week? So lots of things out of your control. What is something you can control? I'm going to go for a 10-minute walk every day. That's in your control.

Okay. And we are coming to the end of the presentation. So integrating and closing and we've done some integrating.

So kind of mingled in there a little bit, but we're going to just review the five strategies again. and here it is on a slide for a quick just a recap.

So we're going to bring it all together. Number one, we can embrace uncertainty through emotional agility, which involves naming what we're feeling, accepting uncertainty as part of growth, and shifting our mindset from why is this happening to me to what can I learn from this?

And the second one was to reflect on our past strengths. When have I experienced change before? What skills and strategies did I use then? And who were the people that supported me through the transition?

Then draw on some of those same resources or find new ones if the old ones are no longer available for you and then practice self-compassion. Kirsten, Dr. Kirsten Nef's website is excellent. lots of videos, things that you can watch to to really guide you through that self-compassion piece.

And teach you how to be kind to yourself like you would be to a friend. how to recognize that you're human and that you're not alone in your struggle. How to be mindful and acknowledge your pain without exaggerating it. And then the fourth strategy is to seek support. Find connection. support in your family, support with friends, support with therapy or support groups. And remember that connection is the strongest protective factor during stress. And then focus on controllables. What is in my control? my effort, my routine, my mindset, my self-care, my preparation, and what is not, how other people react to me, the timing of things, and the outcome.

Resilience isn't about eliminating discomfort. It's about moving through discomfort with intention and purpose. All right, I'd like you to reflect on this question. What transition are you currently navigating? Write it down really quickly.

And now I'm just going to flip back to the screen right before and I want you to choose one of these strategies embracing uncertainty, reflecting on the past, practicing self-compassion, finding support, or focusing on controllables. Choose one of those. which resilient strategy will you lean into this week?

It can feel overwhelming to do all the things at the same time, but if you choose one to include in your week this week, that's a great start.

For example, maybe you just want to focus on what you can control this week. when other things will come up and you simply remind yourself, nope, this is not in my control and I'm choosing to focus on my controllables this week. Perhaps you can look at adding another strategy in a couple weeks and build that one into your day-to-day as well, but it's not all or nothing. It's it rather it's just one thing at a time. Get really good at one of those strategies and then be willing to add another one.

Okay. And in closing, I just wanted to remind you that transitions don't change our circumstances. They refine who we are if we're open to learning and growing through them. You've navigated change before. You're more capable than you think and resilience is something that you can continue to build intentionally. Thank you so much this evening for your time and your openness and I hope this seminar was helpful for you and gave you a little a little bit of support in order to build that that resiliency in your life.

And then finally, here is my, last slide. And it has, lots of different, websites or things that you can maybe just take a picture of. right here, Breny Brown. Breny Brown has so many books.

I didn't actually know which one to choose. So, if you just Google her, there's so many. and she has done a lot of great research. I've read many of her books and they're all really good. So, I hope that was helpful. Thank you so much for joining tonight.

>> Oh, thank you so much, Brandy. What a thoughtful, informative presentation and I want to say really actionable, too. I really appreciated the strategies. Yeah, thank you so much. we have a bit of time for questions. Those of you who need to leave, I'm going to say thank you very much for joining us and remind you that you're always welcome to join us for future talks. I also want to mention that we have a feedback form that I'm going to link to in the follow-up email that you get. If you have a couple of minutes to fill it out, it really helps inform the future talks. We'll do probably another 15 or so coming up in this next year. So even think knowing some of the topics that people are interested in really helps us out as well. So I will send that out.