Wellness Matters Webinar - Ready for Change: the stages of change as a process

Join us for a walk through the main stages of change. This session will provide insight to how change happens in the therautic space. Learn about how change is a process, develop self-compassion and patience for your own journey, and consider what steps you can take to be ready for change.

Facilitator: Laura Charrois

• What are the “Stages of Change”?

  This webinar introduces the Trans-Theoretical Model (Stages of Change) and walks through the five main stages: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance (with “termination” discussed as a debated sixth stage).

• Is change supposed to be linear? What if I “relapse” or slide backward?

  Not at all. The webinar emphasizes that moving back and forth between stages is normal, and that setbacks can be part of learning what works for you. It also highlights preparation as a “safety net” you can return to when a strategy doesn’t fit.

• How do I know what stage I’m in—and what do I do next?

  A big takeaway is using the model as a self-check: “Oh, I think I’m in this stage about this thing”—then matching your next step to what that stage needs (e.g., weighing pros/cons, gathering info, or moving into action).

• What if the change wasn’t my choice (unexpected change like job loss, divorce, illness)?

  The webinar touches on how unexpected change can start differently: instead of planning first, you may begin with checking in on how you feel, talking it through, and then considering how to prepare for next steps from where you are now.

Watch the video

Transcript

Nicole Imgrund: Hello, everybody, and welcome to our Wellness Matters Talk this evening, Ready for Change, the Stages of Change as a Process, with our facilitator, Laura Charois. I hope I said that right. I realize I've never said it out loud. I caught it, good.

Well, so grateful to have so many of you joining us this evening. I'm going to introduce Laura in just a minute. My name is Nicole Imgrund, and I'm the owner and director of River's Edge Counseling Center here in St. Albert.

Just as we get started, if you'll give me a moment, I just want to let you know about some of our upcoming programs.

So we have quite a number of them that are starting soon. We have a workshop that's happening once in February and also in May called The Journey to Becoming a Step Family, or Blended Family.

We have a postpartum wellness circle, that is coming up, we have a group called Navigating ADHD, Supports and Strategies for Adults with ADHD. We have another workshop on parenting through divorce, a group called Speak and Be Heard, Communicate with Confidence, a workshop for caregivers. This is a new one for us, Nurturing the Nurturer, Building Strength, Self-Compassion, and Resilience. We have our Self-Esteem, program that is coming up, ateen wellness program, and also, another new program, for women going through menopause, a supportive group program.

So, lots of programs happening, and also, this talk tonight is part of our Wellness Matters series.

We have over 150 recorded webinars on our website, and we have a really nice lineup still through this winter. In February, coming up soon, we have the Science of Seeing Red, Understanding and Calming Emotional Triggers.

We have, one in March about managing infertility, fostering resilience through life transitions, building emotional intelligence in children, and more. It's a long list, you're going to get tired of me talking, but so many great talks coming up, and we're always happy to have you join us for them.

So tonight, our guest facilitator is… is Laura. Laura believes deeply in the power of connection.

Humans, she believes, are naturally social beings, and throughout our existence we've relied on one another for support, for companionship and connection, and so it's in these moments of connection, she says, that we feel most strengthened and capable of managing the ups and downs that life throws our way, all of the reasons people end up coming for support and counseling.

And she sees therapy as a non-judgmental and safe space where people can feel supported, connected, and empowered.

Her work emphasizes helping individuals explore the many feelings, complexities, and confusions that life can bring, while feeling supported and identifying what next steps feel right for them and she works always from a strength-based and humanistic perspective.

Her background includes supporting youth in accessing appropriate mental health, where she learned the importance of physical, mental, and emotional regulation, as well as that powerful role, that connection that she talks about plays in healing.

Laura is currently completing her master's degree in counseling psychology. You're getting very close now, Laura, to completing that. Her Bachelor of Science in Psychology, she had a minor in philosophy, which even further fueled her interest in developing a deeper understanding of herself and helping others to do the same.

She is currently a practicum student at River's Edge. You can imagine, we have been very, excited to have her on our team. She's been serving lots of clients, providing really valuable services,many of those services to clients, who need a sliding scale or pro bono services. So, really important connection, again, to our community and people who need help.

And I know that's very close to Laura's heart.

And so, with that, I'm gonna turn it over to Laura. She says that her talk's about 40 minutes or so, and so you are able to write questions in the chat as you go, or in the Q&A, and at the end, I'll pop back on.

And we can take a look at some of those questions that you have, or comments.

And, otherwise, I'm gonna turn it over to you.

Laura Charrois: Amazing! Okay, well, let's dive in, everyone. I want to say a huge thank you for joining me tonight. I'm excited to get to share some, hopefully, useful information with you.

I wanted to talk a little bit today, as I start my journey as a counselor, talking about the process of change.

That is ultimately what we are helping people do, is take some feelings or an experience and

Helping them navigate change in their life. And this is one model. There are so many different models of what change looks like, but this is a pretty widely accepted one, the trans-theoretical model of change, or shorter known as the stages of change.

And we're gonna talk a little bit about what that is today and how you can integrate that into your life, and grow a little bit of self-compassion for yourself as you go through change, as change is hard, and I think a lot of what we need is a little self-compassion for us, and sometimes that comes from knowledge of what this process is we're even going through.

I wanted to start with a land acknowledgement. One of the first names of the St. Albert region was given to what we now know as Big Lake. It was originally known as Misty High Segeegan, and that is a name shared by the Cree and Metis people. I feel so blessed to have grown up and get to be on this land every single day, and it's just such an honor to get to take care of it.

And I encourage everyone to take care of the land they're on, no matter what treaty you are calling in from, and just a moment of acknowledgement for everyone that has taken care of the land before us.

Okay, little bit about what we're gonna go through. This looks overwhelming, I know, but it's okay, I'm gonna walk you through it every step of the way. We're gonna start with, why is change hard, why do we hate change? And move right into what the stages of change are. I'm going to brief you on what each one are. We're gonna spend a little bit of time with each of them.

Why does this apply? Why is it important for you to know about these stages of change, or what can be important?

And then we're gonna move into the self-compassion piece, and how we can build self-compassion by being more knowledgeable about the stages of change.

We already did a little bit about me, so I won't spend too long here, but as Nicole mentioned, I'm a graduate practicum student here at River's Edge Counseling Center. So honored to get to participate in this practicum program. It is the best of the best out there, and that is not something that I take for granted, so thank you, Nicole, for this amazing opportunity.

My background is in youth mental health and suicide prevention, but I've been finding myself really enjoying working with all ages of clients, so I'm not shy of adults anymore, I felt I was in the beginning, but now I love working with my adult clients as well.

I am very connection-focused, I've had a bit of an eclectic approach. I haven't quite picked a specific modality. There's a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a very popular modality you may have heard of. Some motivational interviewing gets in there as well, but I do find that the stages of change have kind of crept up as a bit of an informant, a lens.

You could say that I see my clients through to help me understand where they're at and meet them there.

So, that's enough about me, that's enough about the background. Let's dive into it. I'm going to start with a video, so you already get a bit of a break from my voice, and we have a couple more of these moments throughout as well.

Audio shared by Laura Charrois: Do you find it hard to change? My name's Katie Morton, and I'm a licensed therapist, and I'm going to explain why it can be so hard to make change in our life. Now, let's say that every time we get really stressed out, we lash out at those we love.

This marble is going to be like a neuron firing in our head every time we're stressed out.

We lash out at those we love. This is a well-worn pattern over years and years of use. Now, when we decide, hey, I don't want to do this anymore, we have to try to get this marble out of this rut. It might go back and do it again. And we're trying to push through and form an entirely new rut.

And that can take time, and that can take patience. So be kind with yourself as you work to make these changes.

Laura Charrois: Perfect. So, I'm hoping everyone could hear that okay. I'm going to assume we totally could.

So what makes change hard? Well, the status quo is comfortable.

Right? Not only just in our behaviors, we're used to it, it's what we've always done. This is because, like the video said, we have these connections in our brains, and it's like a muscle. We've worked them out so much that we're automatically going to default to using the strongest muscle, because that's easier for our brains, all the shortcuts that it's made.

it's hard to create a new path. Takes time, right? Number 3 there, I'm gonna jump right to it. Those results take time, and often we underestimate how long those changes are gonna take. I mean, we've all done it, we make a goal, we start out really strong, especially around New Year's.

And then after a few months, we don't see results right away, and then we kind of lean off of that goal.

happens to everyone, because we are trying to create those new paths. That marble is still carving in that sand.

Number two there, the benefits are unclear. If we aren't certain that change is actually going to be better for us, it's really difficult to be motivated to take steps towards making that change. So we have to know what, kind of what we're getting out of the deal, if we're going to do all that hard work to carve that new path.

And number 4, I've been seeing this often with clients, is that the change they want is too broad. So let's say your goal is to be a better person, or to feel better about myself.

Those are great goals long-term, and of course, things that we want for everyone.

But how do we actually do that? Those are big, scary, broad goals, and that can be overwhelming, and actually cause us to avoid doing anything for that change whatsoever.

So it's important when we're doing that change. Is it achievable? Can I actually measure how I get there? What are the actions that I can take? Is it realistic? And we often shoot a little, little too broad. We need to narrow it to make sure we can get there. These are some of the things that make change as a process difficult and honestly scary to approach.

So why take the time tonight, out of all of your busy schedules, to maybe understand change a little bit more?

What I have found in my own journey, and so far in my journey with clients, is that when we have more knowledge about what change can actually look like.

Kind of as a step-by-step process, we're able to shift from a place of feeling shameful and guilty for not accomplishing that shame… that change, sorry.

To being able to see Ourselves with more patience, a little more kindness, ultimately some more self-compassion.

And that is what I'm hoping for here tonight with you, is that by giving you some of the knowledge on one model of how change works, that maybe you can find where you're at in your own change process and meet yourself with a little more self-compassion.

Something that I did want to highlight is, again, this is one model of what change looks like. This model does not resonate for every change journey that people go on, does not resonate with every single person that there is.

So, take what resonates with you, and leave the rest, and if anything, I hope you learn a little bit about yourself.

Or a little bit about a topic you might have found interesting, and if you have questions, put them in the chat and we'll get to them at the end.

Okay, now we've really done a good enough intro. Let's get into the meat of it. What is the trans-theoretical model of change? Where did it come from? Who is she? Let's get in.

So, the trans-theoretical model of change, the stages of change, the TTM, all kind of interchangeable names here. This came out of the 1980s from a study about the process of quitting smoking, and ultimately they noticed that everyone was kind of going through these same motions.

and stages of how to get through that process. It originally had 6 stages. The six stages, a little bit debated, but we'll talk about that in a second.

This provides some easy-to-follow and relatively easy-to-understand steps on human behavior and how we move through change as a process, as long… also with what we need to move through change as a process.

It's been shown to be effective across a lot of different therapeutic approaches, so you'll see vastly different therapists also still using this model, and includes five main stages, plus the sixth one at the end. These stages are pre-contemplation.

Contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination.

If you're a little bit of a psychology nerd, you might hear termination also referred to as relapse. I personally think relapse is integrated right in with all of them, so you'll hear me talk about it more in that way. Termination is a bit debated anyway. It's a whole thing in the industry, but we'll get into it.

This has also been a helpful lens for a lot of different behavioral and lifestyle changes for psychologists, their counselors to use, but also clients to help understand themselves, mostly with behavioral and lifestyle changes. So, stopping smoking is one that I'll use as a pretty consistent example throughout here, because it's relatively easy to grasp and understand.

But also improving diets, or improving movement or exercise, finding a way to integrate that into your life, even your sleep schedule. Little behavioral things, this has been found to be very effective.

Let's start getting into the stages.

First is pre-contemplation.

When you are in pre-contemplation, you are not fully aware that there is an issue or a change that has to be made. And that means you're not motivated to find a solution. Your marble is happily rolling through that rut, no issues noticed. You might be a little bit defensive about a behavior, and you're gonna be justifying it. So, for the example of someone who smokes cigarettes.

Here, they are either ignoring that they're not great for your health, or they're defending their behavior when they're confronted about it, justifying it, they make me feel good, they help me relieve stress. They are not in a space where change is really on the table at all.

And that's totally okay. It's part of the process, and we have all, at one point in our life, been in a pre-contemplation stage about something.

Then, we move into contemplation. So here, we are aware of the issue or the behavior that we want to change, and we are motivated to change it. We're starting to get that itch, that recognition, but we're not committed to a method of how we're going to do that change.

is partially because we don't feel ready to do the change. So we're kind of stuck in this indecisiveness, in this in-between stage. You're kind of weighing the pros and the cons here. For someone, again, that smokes cigarettes, this might be the, I recognize that this isn't great for my health.

But, I also know that it brings me a lot of comfort, it makes me feel nice and relaxed.

But I do want to change it, so you're really jumping between the pros and the cons and contemplation here.

Now, often what we see, and where we end up misstepping with change, is jumping from this contemplation straight into action, and doing something about it. And then when that action doesn't work, we fall back here, and it's so…

Frustrating. Again, most of us have been here. This is completely normal for that relapse to happen. We jump into action, it doesn't work, we fall back. It's totally okay. And that's one thing that I love about this model, is it shows off a really important stage here.

This stage is preparation.

In preparation, you can easily admit there's something you want to change. There's not really that defensiveness coming up anymore. You know there's something that you want to change, and you're ready to address it and start to do something.

You're info gathering. You're doing your research, you're looking into different options on how you can make that change.

I actually tend to switch to more of a fitness example for preparation. Say you wanted to start with a personal trainer.

Here, you're googling who's in my area? What's their… what's my budget? What's their price point? Does that line up? What's their energy like? Maybe they have videos online. Do I like their vibe?

how often do they want to see me working out? Does that fit into my schedule? Is that realistic? You might even book a session with one or two or three to test it out. You're not fully committing to a method, but you're… you're info-gathering here. You're testing the waters to see what options are out there.

When you have a really strong preparation stage, it's like you weave yourself a safety net. So when you go to the next stages, if it doesn't go well, which is so normal and happens, you have something to fall back on.

I don't know if we have any video gamers out here, or if you're watching online in the future, but this is like a checkpoint in a video game, where if something happens in the future, you don't have to go all the way back to the beginning. You can land here on the safety net that you've built yourself. And this way, you land, you go, okay.

That didn't work. What's next on the list? What's another option? And you have that information ready because you did the preparation that you needed.

The preparation stage is the most important stage in all of this. I think it's an incredible inclusion, and something very important to teach about.

The next stage is the action stage. So this is where you are doing something about that change. You have picked a personal trainer, you have booked your sessions with them, you are moving and grooving, starting to get into a new routine here.

You are starting to feel confident in your ability to actually do the change. You are experiencing growth and learning. You're also learning about maybe some triggers that are coming up.

I didn't realize that driving past that store every day made me want to stop and buy cigarettes. That's a good thing to learn. I'm gonna take a different route to get home after work. These are all part of the process. You're learning what triggers you, and also learning how to cope with it and deal with it. So there's lots of growth in this action stage.

The action stage could be successful, or, as I mentioned, it could not be successful. Those are really the only two options. It's completely normal to try out something in the action stage and it not work.

That's completely fine. Some routes are just not meant for us. Maybe you thought you liked this personal trainer, and then you start working with them, and you're…

personalities just aren't clashing, maybe they put their prices up a little too much, or more than you thought, and you need to go back to that preparation stage, look at that info you have, and go, I'm gonna try the next one, actually.

That is the action stage.

Next, we have maintenance. There's a bit of a timestamp on a maintenance stage. So here, you've chosen the action, you've gone through the motions, the learning, and for about 6 months, you've been able to maintain either the new behavior, or for 6 months, you have gotten rid of the behavior you're trying to stop.

So, for smoking, this would be 6 months without smoking a cigarette, for example.

Here, you are able to use your new behavior skills pretty confidently, navigate those triggers, know how to get around them.

There is less of a risk of relapse. That doesn't mean it's gone forever. Some studies do show that it drops significantly here, but it doesn't mean it's gone

Completely at the maintenance stage. And again, you know your triggers now, you know how to kind of dance around them, you really are feeling confident in your ability to maintain that change.

Okay, termination. This one's a bit debated, and not necessarily widely accepted, and that's because it's super rare to actually achieve full termination with any change. This is where there is zero temptation of relapse, or 0% relapse.

And 100% ability to be… maintain that new behavior, not to do the old behavior.

It's more common with everyday behaviors, like buckling your seatbelt, right? I'm hoping. We're all doing that. That's just normal now.

But it's almost never accomplished with stuff like addiction. So, say, smoking cigarettes, it is…

tough to say that there is zero temptation to ever smoke a cigarette again, but that person is more knowledgeable about how to maneuver those temptations and those triggering moments. So, termination a little bit debated, but not necessarily something we should count out entirely.

Three main things are needed to move through those stages. We've done the stages, we need three things to do that. The first one is the process of change. So these are the action steps, the action items of, like, what am I actually going to do to make that change happen?

So, for quitting smoking, maybe the action item was taking a different route home after work, so I'm not tempted to drive by the store and pick them up.

Like, the actual logical outline of how we are going to make change happen.

You also need to consider your decisional balance. So back in the contemplation stage, we're weighing out those pros and cons.

Is it really beneficial if I do the change? How do I feel about that? Often in the earlier stages, we lean more towards no, but the more time we sit with it, and the further we get through the process, we lean more towards yes. So there is decisional balance here of, which way do I lean?

And self-efficacy. We have to feel confident in our ability to do the change, and that can take time to build up that confidence. Maybe that means we're doing small changes first to really build up our self-esteem around how we're feeling, but this can take time.

So, as you probably noticed, there's a lot of talk about relapse and jumping back and forth and safety net. The application of

the stages of change is not linear. It's presented as so, but really there is a lot of room for movement. In fact, relapsing and getting stuck on a stage is normal. It's completely normal. I can't verbalize or normalize it enough for you.

I know for myself, for a personal anecdote, I get stuck in the preparation state. So, I'm able to recognize that I want to do change, and I'm able to get to a place where I prepare for it.

But the productivity, quote-unquote, of preparing and researching and getting everything together and looking into it feels good enough in my brain.

And it helps me avoid doing the actual changing part, the actual action part.

So I know that I get stuck in that preparation.

Great example, I just repainted my bathroom, and you don't want to know how many paint sample containers I bought before choosing a color. Far too many. But that felt good to me, and I didn't have to commit to a change to make.

once I recognized that that's what was happening, that I was back being stuck in the preparation stage.

I was able to kind of take a deep breath and go, Okay, I know this behavior, I know what I'm doing.

I'm okay, it's not that I'm not good enough for change, or that I'm not ready for change, it's just that change is a little scary, and I have to go for it.

So it's hoping that once you have these stages as a tool, you're able to also do the same for yourself. We're going to talk about that a little bit more. I do have a video, so you guys get a break from my voice. This is going to be a recap of the stages of change, in case you needed a quick refresher, because that was a lot. This is like a 5-minute video quick do-over.

The example in this does have to do with fitness and weight loss, so if that is a topic that is troubling for you, it's about 5 minutes long. Hit that mute button, come back in about 5 minutes. But if not, enjoy a 5-minute break from me and a quick recap about the stages of change.

Audio shared by Laura Charrois: I'm Dr. Wendy Guest, here to explain how using behavioral science can change your life.

Have you ever really wanted to change something in your life, but it didn't work out the way you planned.

Maybe you wanted to eat healthier, or exercise more often, or get rid of a bad habit.

You made some goals, you tried to change, but in the end, you were not successful, and you felt frustrated and stressed out. Well, here's some good news. The science of behavior change can help you succeed in changing your behavior, and as a result, have a better life.

Behavioral scientists have found that people who go through a particular process to make a behavior change are more successful than those who don't. That process is called the trans-theoretical model, or simply.

The stages of change. Let's learn about these stages to help you succeed in making a positive change in your life.

Meet Isabella. She has a challenging job and often feels tired and run down.

One day, her friend asks if she'd like to join a fitness walking group, but Isabella doesn't see the purpose, and explains that her schedule is too busy. Isabella is in stage one of the trans-theoretical model, the pre-contemplation stage. For her to move out of this stage, something has to happen.

Something that makes her think.

One day, Isabella reads an article that helps her realize some of her habits really aren't healthy.

And could lead to serious problems later in life.

She begins to consider the pros and cons of making a lifestyle change.

Now, when her friend asks about walking, Isabella says she'll think about it. Isabella is now in Stage 2, the contemplation stage.

As Isabella contemplates further, she starts to talk to her friends and colleagues about how she might fit a regular walking program into her busy schedule. She also researches what she might need for walking, as well as the benefits she can expect, such as better health, more energy, increased endurance.

Isabella is emotionally and mentally preparing herself to change her lifestyle by increasing her self-efficacy and building her determination toward adopting this new behavior. She's in Stage 3, the preparation or determination stage, which will empower her to make a change.

Now that Isabella is prepared and determined to make a change, she takes action by joining her friend's walking group.

After a month, Isabella is doing very well and starts to see her results in her energy and daily life. Isabella is in Stage 4.

The Action Stage.

But when things get a bit hectic at work, she stops walking for a week. Fortunately, her group leader understands the challenges people face in the action stage, and shares some motivational material to help Isabella get back on track.

Over time, Isabella becomes more consistent and confident with her walking activity and starts feeling better than ever.

Fast forward 6 months, we find that Isabella is consistently maintaining her new lifestyle. She feels great physically, handles daily stress with more ease, and has more energy than ever.

Isabella is in the fifth stage, the maintenance stage. She has built a supportive network by getting friends and family to join her walking group and that helps her focus on preventing a relapse, back to her previous behavior patterns.

Each stage of the behavioral change process presented new challenges, but when Isabella worked on her internal attitude changes, she was able to make the external behavioral changes that she desired.

Now she's thrilled with her healthier lifestyle and all the benefits that come along with it. Congratulations, Isabella!

Laura Charrois: Okay. Let me get back to my screen here.

So, that was just a quick recap on what you guys are already experts on now, at this point, with a bit of a more concrete example throughout the entirety. I hope that helped clarify any questions you have. And one thing that I do want to spend a little bit of time on right now is there is no shame from being in any of the stages of change. It is all part of the process, and important that we go through many, if not all, of the stages to fully get the most out of our change experience and learn the most out of all that we can.

So, why on earth would you come to this little talk today about learning about the process of change?

One, I hope that it helps make you feel a bit more ready for change, to have a bit of an understanding of how we move through the stages, and what change actually looks like from kind of an outside perspective.

Maybe that makes you feel a little bit more ready to tackle it, knowing what's ahead, and being able to have a little bit of prediction there. I know that helps me sometimes.

I'm also hoping that maybe once you're hearing all these stages, you're thinking, oh, I think I'm in this stage about this thing.

And what I'm hoping that's doing is making you go, okay, that just means I need this, and this, and this. That just means I need to weigh the pros and cons, or look more into it, or I need to do some preparation, or I've done the preparation, time to take action.

I truly believe that knowledge can be a basis of getting ready for that change, and also for building a self-compassion piece.

when we are knowledgeable about what change looks like, it does become less scary. Sometimes. Sometimes it's just as scary and overwhelming. I'm sure there might be some of you listening going.

Yeah, that made change sound really complicated and really overwhelming still, and that's completely fair.

But what this can do is understanding, okay, this is where I'm at, let's meet me there, and have a patience and kindness towards ourselves as we go through something really hard.

This presentation is not to convince you that change is not hard. Change is still going to be hard, and it's work for all of us, but maybe we can be a bit kinder to ourselves when going through the process of change.

I have got another last little video, and then we'll talk a little bit more about self-compassion.

And then we will be doing questions in about… 10-ish minutes.

Audio shared by Laura Charrois: Have you ever felt that warm tug in your heart when you see someone who's hurt or having a tough time?

That's compassion.

A wish to be kind, accepting, and supportive towards others. Although I can be good at showing compassion to others, I've discovered something pretty cool lately. It's called self-compassion, and it's all about treating myself with kindness and understanding, just like I would treat a dear friend in need.

Now, I'll be honest, self-compassion doesn't come that naturally to me. Sometimes I say some pretty mean things to myself before I even realize it. I wouldn't want someone else to talk to me the way I talk to myself sometimes, especially when I'm already feeling low.

So on my journey to learn more about self-compassion, I stumbled upon something interesting from Dr. Kristin Neff. She talks about 3 important parts to self-compassion.

Mindfulness, self-kindness, and recognizing our shared humanity.

Let's break that down a bit, starting with mindfulness. It's about paying attention to how I'm feeling, whether it's sadness, frustration, or another tough emotion, without judging myself for it. It's like taking a step back, naming what I'm experiencing, and realizing that feelings will always come and go, and that's okay.

After I notice I'm having a tough time, the next step is about self-kindness.

Instead of being hard on myself when I mess up, I'm learning to be gentle and supportive, just like I would be with a friend who's going through a rough time.

It's about treating myself with the same care and desire to help that I'd offer to someone I love.

And finally, recognizing our shared humanity. This one's important. It's about remembering that everyone experiences tough times, setbacks, and moments of imperfection.

It's part of being human.

Knowing this helps me to feel less alone in my struggles and more connected to others. Putting it all together.

When I'm struggling now, I try to notice it and bring a kind attitude to myself.

This is tough, and other people would feel this way, too, in this situation.

Try to be gentle with myself, and to give myself what I need right now.

Next time you're facing a setback or feeling low, why not give yourself a little dose of self-compassion? Trust me, you deserve it. And hey, if you want to learn more about self-compassion, check out the links below.

Laura Charrois: Perfect, last little video break for you guys.

So, I love some of the pieces of that, and yes, that was from the Child Mind Institute, but I find often videos meant for children are also so applicable for adults. I think we can all use reminders of these concepts every once in a while.

So when we are going through change, this is a tough transition that we are trying to do, right? Think all the way back to that marble, back in that rut. We are pushing and digging and trying to create a new path for ourselves, and that's not easy.

We cannot do that without being kind to ourselves as we go through these stages, and being patient as we mess up, or we relapse for the official terminology there, and go back to our old ways. We have to be kind and patient with ourselves, and remind ourselves

That, yes, we can do this, it just takes time, and I just have to keep going.

I also love what they said in there about feeling connected with people. Of course, I'm gravitating towards the connection piece in the two-minute video.

But change is hard, and we shouldn't be doing it alone. So lean on your support systems that you do have. Let them know about the change that you're making. It's amazing what just telling someone about something can do for you.

There are a lot of messages that we're sending our brain when going through change as a process. We often think thoughts.

Like, I'm not good enough, this has to be perfect, or this is uncomfortable and I cannot do this, especially if we are falling back into old habits or relapsing as we're transitioning through change.

That's what that can feel like, right? That marble. The first time she tried to get it out of the rut, it just fell right back in. I don't even think that was scripted, I think it just happened.And that's so real, because that's just where our brain is going.

I challenge you, the next time you're going through change, or the next time you have a thought similar to these ones here, to challenge it, and to think, is that thought true?

Maybe it's not that you're not good enough. I can almost guarantee it's not that you're not good enough.

Maybe it's that I might not be ready for change, but I will be soon. Or I just need a little more information before I can make this change. Or that path of change didn't work for me, I'm going to try a different one.

Maybe it isn't that it has to be perfect, but that there's progress being made, even when we falter, or fail, or fall back. We're learning something about ourselves in the process, and that is progress. Highlight that part of the process of change.

And maybe that discomfort does not mean that you are not capable.

Maybe that discomfort means that you're doing something new. You're on new territory, on a new journey. You're carving that new path.

And maybe that means that you are actively doing change, and that is something that should be celebrated instead of feared.

I wanted to close with a bit of an analogy, a visual… I'm not sure what to call it, I was never good in English class, that I've found that one client gave me, and I've just been using with clients very often, I found it so, so applicable.

Often, when we are approaching change we feel, and I've had clients describe it to me, like, you're standing on a staircase, and you're looking up, and these stairs just seem to keep going, and going, and going, all the way up into the sky, and that's an overwhelming visual.

Because it feels like we have to climb this impossible mountain to get to that spot of change.

To get to our goals.

And it's… we look at it and go, I can't possibly do that. That's so overwhelming, I don't even know where to start.

what I try to encourage clients to do, and what I'm going to encourage you to do as well.

Is, instead of looking up that staircase.

I want you to look behind you, or look down.

I know these are obviously not from the same staircase, but I did what I could with, you know, the images available to me on Canva.

When we look behind us, We see every step that we've already taken towards that change.

Those are our celebrations. That is what we need to be using to motivate us, to show us, oh, I can do this.

I can do this, because I've already done all of that.

If you've already… if you look back and see what you've already conquered in your journey of change, or just your journey of life in general, that is your motivation.

That is your understanding of, I can do more change, I just need a little time, I just need a little patience, I just need a little self-compassion to do it.

And then keep that head down, and go one step at a time, because change does not happen all at once. It happens in at least these five stages that have been outlined here, but a lot of other little steps in between those stages as well.

So one step at a time, be patient with yourself. I know that you can enact the change that you want to see, and I know you know you can do it too, so keep pushing.

I'm done a little bit early, that's classic, that's classic me. I was a little nervous, so I was talking a little fast, but in summary, I just want to thank you guys all so much for being here. I have no idea if there's been chats in the questions or in the chat, but…

I'm so grateful to have gotten this opportunity to share, and I hope you took even a small something from today's presentation.

Nicole Imgrund: Well, you did not talk too fast, Laura. That was just perfect, and I just appreciated that so much. It was so informative, but also really reassuring for any and all of us in some stage of change in our life, which I hope at any point

And we are all in some stage of change.

And so… I'm just… I'm gonna say goodbye in case anybody needs to leave, and just thank you so much for that presentation, Laura, and remind everyone that you're welcome to join us anytime.

For those of you still here, I'm just taking a look at the chat and the Q&A. No questions yet, but…

Nicole Imgrund: someone said thank you very much, and that that was very informative, which I agree, it absolutely was.

Laura Charrois: Perfect.

Nicole Imgrund: Any other comments or questions?

Laura Charrois: Last chance.

Nicole Imgrund: Yeah, that was a great image at the end to leave us with, too.

Laura Charrois: So, so powerful.

Nicole Imgrund: All metaphors or images like that, right?

Laura Charrois: I'm such a visual person that I lean… I find that I lean on them so much, and if a client gives me a nugget like a staircase, oh, I'm flying with it.

Nicole Imgrund: And when we're overwhelmed in life, and our nervous system's fired up, we need that, like, shortcut to something that makes us feel hopeful, reminds us of what we've accomplished, what's possible for us. Someone is saying, when unexpected change happens, how is the process different? Oh.

Laura Charrois: That is a great question. I think it's a bit different by we start less with the contemplating and the planning, and more thinking about, okay, how do I feel about this? And checking in with yourself of, where am I at about this change?

Talking about it is a huge part of it, especially with others also going through it, and that shared experience.

I think the beginning part would change a bit, because you didn't get to think about it or contemplate it, it just kind of happened, but that doesn't mean you can't still sit with it and experience the emotions and think about, how do I prepare for the next steps moving forward, given where I'm at now?

Nicole Imgrund: Yeah, I agree. I think there's something, too, about… you know…

When we, at times that we can in life, be really intentional about stages of change, and understanding change, and inform ourselves about it, like you've taught us tonight.

I feel like those moments in time that… because change is just always happening in life, good change, difficult change. It kind of helps, like, the example was cancer, divorce, losing a job, someone is saying.

I know I find it helpful to put it in the frame of change. Like, there's often a trauma, a grief, like, other processes at play, but it helps me to, like, okay, like, this is a change. A chapter's closing, another chapter, and I kind of… I know this journey.

like, because I've experienced change before, I wonder if framing it that way, connecting with everything Laura's taught us, gives us an opportunity to kind of get back in the driver's seat at those moments?

Laura Charrois: Yeah, there's… finding your familiarity back in those moments where life kind of happens to you.

And, you have to roll with it no matter what, so being able to lean on a system like this can be a good tool of just going, like you said, okay, yeah, this is a change. I know how I work in change, so let's lean on that. I think that's a great point, Nicole.

Nicole Imgrund: Any other questions or comments?

Okay. Well, I guess we'll say goodbye. Remember, there's…

a Wellness Matters webinar, probably several, for every topic you can think of, and you can filter them that way, they're on our blog page, so,

take a look. Anything that's helpful to you, I hope we'll see you again, maybe sometime this winter or spring. And thank you again, Laura, that was really wonderful. This will be on our website with the others.

Very soon, in the next week or so, along with the transcript, and the slides. And if you think of any questions, or have any comments, later, you can always send them to us. Just send them to the general email on the website, and we'll forward them all to Laura.

Yeah, good. Okay, good night, everybody. Take care.

Laura Charrois: touch, everyone.