Connecting With Others In a Time of Disconnection

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Do you know your love language? What are the things that make the people in your life feel truly loved and supported? During this time when we are all being encouraged to socially distance, it is normal to feel some loneliness, and perhaps even a bit lost at times. In this webinar, Cynthia Smith offers creative ideas about how to have our emotional needs met, and experience meaningful connection with others, during this challenging time.

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Weekly Mindfulness Meditation: Finding Peace in the Midst of Uncertainty (Week 2)

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In this webinar, Grant outlines various types of grief that might be present for people in light of the COVID19 pandemic. The mindfulness practice of GLAD is introduce, as is the mindfulness practice of Self-Compassion, based on the work of Kristin Neff. This webinar concludes with a Self-Compassion Meditation.

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Talking to Your Kids About the Big Stuff: How to Keep Them Informed Without Scaring Them

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When faced with big life changes and difficult topics, it can be challenging as parents to find the right balance of giving information and protecting your kids. The COVID-19 crisis has created a lot of uncertainty and brought with it significant change for families. In this talk, Lindsey McColl, of River's Edge Counselling Centre, shares ideas for supporting kids through these changes, while managing their emotional needs and your own.

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Positive Pandemic Parenting

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In this webinar, Andrea explores the challenges associated with parenting and schooling children while maintaining social distance. Topics include structure and routine, managing family conflicts and providing emotional support at home.

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Mindfulness Meditation: Finding Peace in This Midst of Uncertainty (Week 1)

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We find ourselves in unprecedented times. The stress and anxiety we are currently dealing with is something most of us have never had to face in our lifetime. Amidst the uncertainty, even ten minutes of mindfulness meditation a day can help calm your nervous system, enabling you to find a sense of inner peace.

In the first webinar of his series, Grant provides viewers with a brief history of mindfulness, discussing what mindfulness is, including a description of the two types of mindfulness practices. Grant also reveals some of the research finding pertaining to mindfulness meditation. Included in this webinar is a short Breathing Meditation and a Gratitude Meditation.

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Finding Your Center in Challenging Times...Together

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This talk is for anyone searching to anchor themselves during this challenging time of social distancing, isolation, working from home, kids at home, and high anxiety. When we centre ourselves, it can have a profound impact on our outlook and on our relationships with others, including our partners, spouses, children, and our community. In her clear and gentle manner, Kjariene shares some perspectives and simple exercises for finding a sense of balance and centering yourself.

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We are shifting to Video and Telephone Services as of March 18th

This letter was sent to all of our clients last night. It was a difficult letter to send, but I know it was the right thing to do. The silver lining for us is knowing that we will be able to continue to support most of our clients through this difficult time.

I personally want to thank our team, therapists and admin, as they have been working tirelessly to help us shift the way we work in such a short period of time. Your commitment to clients and community inspires me every day

❤️

And to our clients...we are here for you. Thank you for your patience as we move to this new way of offering services.

🙏

Isolation and distancing are needed to fight this pandemic...but already we can see it, that connection and cooperation is what is truly going to save the day. Encouraging everyone to keep reaching out to loved ones and those who are struggling, in whatever way you can. We've got this! 💚

Nicole

Announcement

We are shifting to Video and Telephone Services
as of March 18th....

We are writing to let you know that as of March 18th, all of the counselling sessions provided at River’s Edge Counselling Centre will be offered remotely, by either video or telephone. 

This difficult decision has not been made lightly. It has been made after considerable research and thought about the impact of continuing to offer services in-person in our office on the health of our clients and the community as a whole. We believe this will contribute positively to the goal of “flattening the curve,” protecting vulnerable people and ensuring that essential services are not overwhelmed in the coming days.

Thankfully, we will still be able to meet the needs of most of our clients during this difficult time. We understand that it will come as a disappointment to many clients to lose in-person contact with their therapist, perhaps even more so at a time when we are all more isolated. For others, it may come as a relief to know that they can stay connected with this support, even if they face self-isolation or quarantine.

The full extent of the mental and emotional impact of the COVID-19 outbreak is yet unknown - but many of us are already feeling it. What we most want to communicate to you at this time, is that we are here for you.

While isolation and distancing are what is needed to fight this pandemic, connection and emotional honesty are antidotes for secondary effects of anxiety and depression. We all face this situation with vulnerability, including some of the reasons we reach out for counselling in the first place. But we also all face this situation with resilience. As counsellors, it is our job to create a safe space for vulnerability, for sharing difficult emotions and experiences. It is also our job to shine a light on people's resilience, and help them draw on it for strength and calm amidst life's struggles. The COVID-19 crisis puts us in touch with our vulnerability, but it is also an opportunity to experience our resilience.

Thank you for including us in your circle of care and trusting us to be helpful. Thank you also for your patience, as we take this big step together, and shift the way we offer care. 

How will it Work?


If you have an upcoming appointment, your therapist will schedule it as a video session at the same time.

You will receive an email with a link to open at the time of your appointment. We will accept e-transfers and credit cards as payment. 

Please ensure you have a camera (computer, phone or tablet will work), and a quiet, confidential space to meet. You may wish to use a headset, but it is not required.

If you prefer to use a telephone, just email your therapist directly. 

If you have any questions, it is best to contact your therapist directly for a prompt response. However, our admin team is also here for you (info@riversedgecounselling.com; text or call 780-460-0022). Due to the high volume of calls, email and text are best and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

What are my options?


We fully trust clients to make the best choices for themselves. If video or phone sessions don't feel right for you at this time, that is no problem. Please just let your therapist know that you would like to hold off for now.

Given the uncertainty in everyone's lives right now, we have been very flexible with our cancellation policy and will continue to do so. However, please be mindful of how busy our therapists are trying to meet client needs. Providing 24hrs notice when cancelling or rescheduling, if possible, to allow us to make time for other clients, will be greatly appreciated.

When this situation passes, we look forward to welcoming you back into our space and offering the hospitality we enjoy giving to our clients.  Until then, stay well.

For more information about video and phone counselling, including its effectiveness and the potential benefits/risks, please see our E-counselling webpage,  as well as our handout Information about E-counselling and Telecounselling services.

Be part of the solution with...

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Mindful Practice.

Notice the impulse to touch your face and be intentional about the decision not to do so. It is not an easy habit to break, but possible with mindful practice.

Wash your hands. You can make this a mindful ritual, enjoying the warm water and suds; imagining it as a compassionate act towards yourself and others.

Notice any anxiety that arises in your everyday. Breathe, and focus on the present moment. Feel the safety of the NOW.

Etiquette.

Cover your cough. Sneeze into your elbow. Or use a tissue, and toss it in the trash. Clean and disinfect frequently touched objects and surfaces using a cleaning spray or wipes. Use hand sanitizer when you are unable to wash your hands. When we practice simple etiquette, we are offering protection to those who are most vulnerable.  

Rest.

Stay home if you are sick and be kind to yourself. Please do not visit the office if you are unwell, or you have been travelling outside the country in the past 14 days. As always, our 24-hour cancellation policy does not apply for those who are sick, or in quarantine.

A note about Coronovirus and our response

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A lot has happened in the past month, and even the last day. The World Health Organization has declared a pandemic. To date, there are 23 confirmed cases in Alberta, and the threat level remains "low." 

The River's Edge team is committed to offering support to clients and our community, perhaps now more than ever, as we recognize the mental health impact of these events. We are doing everything we can to implement preventative measures to ensure our o ce space is safe and comfortable for clients. We are also improving our remote therapy services (via video or telephone), to ensure clients can have their needs met in most circumstances. 

What we are doing to Create a safe space..... 

In addition to our usual maintenance routines, we are doing the following to ensure a clean, safe space at River's Edge: 

  • frequent cleaning of surfaces, door handles, keypads, etc.

  • hand sanitizer in the offices and waiting rooms

  • washing hands between sessions

  • cleaning of toys used in play therapy

  • removal of magazines, pencil crayons and other non-essential items from waiting rooms  

You can be part of the solution by.... 

  • Mindful Practice. Notice the impulse to touch your face and be intentional about the decision not to do so. It is not an easy habit to break, but possible with mindful practice. Wash your hands. You can make this a mindful ritual, enjoying the warm water and suds; imagining it as a compassionate act towards yourself and others. Notice any anxiety that arises in your everyday. Breathe, and focus on the present moment. Feel the safety of the NOW. 

  • Etiquette. Cover your cough. Sneeze into your elbow. Or use a tissue, and toss it in the trash. Clean and disinfect frequently touched objects and surfaces using a cleaning spray or wipes. Use hand sanitizer when you are unable to wash your hands. When we practice simple etiquette, we are offering protection to those who are most vulnerable. 

  • Rest. Stay home if you are sick and be kind to yourself. Please do not visit the o ce if you are unwell, or you have been travelling outside the country in the past 14 days. As always, our 24-hour cancellation policy does not apply for those who are sick, or in quarantine. 

online Therapy (Video or Phone) 

You are welcome to use video or telephone counselling any time, for any reason. Just email your therapist to request. All of our therapists are trained and ready to use video technology or phone for any session. 

We are here for you, even when you cannot be here!

Read more about the option of video and telephone counselling services.

The Physiology of Love

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Each year, Valentine’s Day offers us a day to reflect on and celebrate the joyful and meaningful of love in our lives. Whether it’s romantic love, love of friends, family, ourselves, or a loyal pet, most of us are lucky enough to have some kind of love for which to be grateful. With all this love in the air, it’s also a great time to examine what exactly love is in our bodies and brains. Love is one of the most profound physiological manifestations of emotions and interpersonal relationships that humans can experience. Love is also exceptionally joyful! This time of year is an excellent opportunity to celebrate that by investigating just how our bodies produce one of life’s greatest gifts. 

Think about how love feels in your body when you experience it. Love is not just an emotion or abstraction - it’s a deeply visceral sensation. There are many different types of love and different corresponding physiological underpinnings to these feelings. The term “love” is kind of a catchall for a wide variety of distinct emotions and situations. The ancient Greeks had more than seven unique words to describe what we call “love.” They used distinct terms for love of family, love of God, love of the body, love of the self, love of the mind, love of a child, and playful love. Today, scientists who study love break it down into smaller parts as well, using terms like attraction, lust, desire, attachment, and bonding. 

You probably already know that all of these intense and often all-consuming feelings are products of chemical messages in your body and brain. Without getting too bogged down in the nitty-gritty neurobiology of it all, human feelings of love are the result of complex cascades of potent chemical cocktails of neurotransmitters, hormones, and neuropeptides. That may sound a bit clinical and decidedly unromantic, but these tiny envoys of the body are at least a big part of what love truly is in terms of how we experience it. 

The physiological sensations of love are dizzyingly powerful. Sometimes your heart races, your palms sweat, your mouth might go dry, and you might find yourself tripping over your words. Alternatively, love might wash over you like a warm hug and fill you with a profound sense of calm and complacency. Romantic love might send your hormones into overdrive, filling you with lust and raw sexual desire. Love of a child or pet might overwhelm you with warm and fuzzy feelings and elicit the need to protect and nurture. All of these sensations are some version of the physical and socio-emotional feelings of love. Each of the sensations is stimulated by a unique mix of biochemicals in the body and brain. 

Some of the major neurotransmitter players involved in this intricate work might have familiar names: oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin. The hormonal components should be quite familiar as well, namely estrogen and testosterone. You may have heard of oxytocin; maybe you’ve even heard it called the “love hormone” before. This neuropeptide certainly plays a significant role in the human experience of love. Oxytocin is essential for social bonding, sexual reproduction, orgasm, birth, and lactation. It is a major component of how we bond with our young. Fascinatingly, the mere presence of an infant can instantaneously release oxytocin in adults. It is like we’re biologically programmed to love them! Despite the critical role it plays, oxytocin doesn’t do all the work of eliciting love alone. In fact, it works closely with a related peptide called vasopressin that doesn’t enjoy any of the recognition oxytocin gets. Often oversimplified as something like the molecular equivalent of love, oxytocin is just a piece of the bigger puzzle of how our bodies love. 

We all experience love differently, and just as every love is unique, the physical manifestations of love vary widely from person to person and depending on the situation. Nevertheless, one constant holds true - love feels good! Humans love to love and to be loved. This phenomenon is partly because of dopamine, the body’s feelgood neurotransmitter. Dopamine carries out many crucial functions in our bodies, but a major one is invoking our sense of pleasure and reward. Helen Fisher and colleagues found in a 2005 study of people in love that their brain’s reward centers light up when they see pictures of their beloved. The area involved, the Ventral Tegmental Area or VTA, is not only associated with pleasure but also with general arousal, focused attention, and motivation to pursue and acquire rewards. Fisher, therefore, postulates that romantic love is not so much an emotion as it is a motivational system - one that drives us towards being with the one we love.

A true cynic would say that love is an evolutionary trick our brains play on us to get us to mate and take care of our offspring. Even the most clinical of scientists usually concede that there is at least a little more to it than that. Nevertheless, there is a strong biological and evolutionary component to love as well. Love is useful, it feels good, and it keeps our interpersonal bonds secure. While we can never truly know if lesser evolved animals “love,” there is strong evidence that several other mammalian species show intense parental investment and form lasting bonds with other individuals. There is even some evidence that animals grieve or feel profound loss when a partner or offspring die. Of course, human love, like other emotions, is more complex and nuanced than that of our ape ancestors. However, its roots are distinctly biological and reside somewhere back in the more primitive parts of our brains. Without love, even if all of our other biological needs are met, humans fail to flourish or report strong overall life satisfaction.

One of the best things about love is that scientists find that not only is it immensely enjoyable, it’s incredibly good for you! Unlike many activities that directly target your dopamine pleasure centers, love is one of the few with no downside (other than the occasional heartbreak, of course.) Studies show that love can have enormously positive effects on mental and physical health in both the short and long term. Love reduces stress and increases overall life satisfaction; it promotes feelings of well-being and joy and has been linked to longer, happier lives. It may even offer immunoprotective factors and reduce the likelihood of disease and hospitalization. Conversely, heartbreak and grief are also profoundly physical experiences, as well as emotional ones. Studies show that heartbreak can send almost every one of the body’s systems into overdrive and tax the heart and cardiovascular system through stress.

Valentine’s Day is not about chocolates, flowers, cards, or expensive gifts - it’s about celebrating one of the most joyful and profound parts of the human experience: Love. This Valentine’s Day, take a minute to appreciate the miracle of love in your life. Also, take time to marvel at how our bodies, as finely tuned biological machines, are capable of sensing, promoting, maintaining, and enjoying that love.

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

How to Quit a Bad Habit

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The new year often brings about resolutions of one kind or another. The changing of the calendar year gives us an opportunity to look back on the past year of our lives and think about changes we want to make going forward. In this reflection, we can examine things that no longer serve us and decide to cut them loose and start fresh in the new year. Many people start January right on track, quitting smoking, dieting, eliminating alcohol or sugar, or other vices. Unfortunately, relatively few people stick with these commitments by the time the next new year rolls around. Through no fault of their own, many people don’t realize that often sheer willpower is not enough to successfully quit something and stick with it. Here, we’ll examine what behavioural science says about the most effective and enduring ways to make those quitting resolutions stick. 

There is any number of things people want to quit: from something as benign as biting your nails or spending too much time on the internet to life-saving decisions to abstain from things like drugs or alcohol. If you can get addicted to it or even just do too much of it, there is someone out there who wants to quit it. Bad habits can hold us back financially, emotionally, physically, and motivationally. Much of the time, we don’t even want to partake in bad habits but do so somewhat automatically.

The precise approach to successful cessation will depend largely on what you are trying to quit and what you, as an individual, find to be reinforcing and rewarding. Some amount of personal will power and commitment to stop comes into play as well. Despite all the individualized variables, behavioural scientists and psychologists agree on a few broad principles that can help you to end unwanted behaviours.

Share your intentions/goals with others

Studies show that sharing the intention to quit something with friends and family can be a powerful motivator. It can help you to feel both accountable to your plan and supported when you make the right decisions.

Team up to find support

Find someone else who is looking to quit something and join forces! Check-in with each other and share your strategies/progress/successes and failures. Even a simple text every few days can help keep you accountable, and it can make the process more fun and rewarding to do it with a friend. Some apps can help gamify the endeavour and turn it into a little bit of a friendly competition as well.

Change the way you talk about the habit

Researchers find that the language we choose to use to describe our choices can serve as a feedback mechanism that either enhances or impedes our goal-directed behaviours. Specifically, one study found that when people used the phrase “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” in reference to things like drinking alcohol and eating chocolate cake that they were more empowered in their choices and capable of making the desired decision to abstain. They also did so for more extended periods than those in the “I can’t” condition. (Hagtvedt, 2011)

Set yourself up for success

Prepare your environment to help you resist temptation. Set screentime limits on your phone or tablet or make sure to rid your house of whatever it is you’re trying to quit. Make a detailed game plan on how you’re going to tackle this habit and have faith in yourself that you can do it! 

Identify and avoid the usual triggers/temptations

Maybe there is a particular time or place or situation where you find yourself especially likely to engage in your undesirable habit. Try to identify these moments and have a game plan in place. If at all possible, avoid them until you’ve quit your habit for a bit of time. It’s a lot harder to avoid a drink at your favourite bar or a cocktail party than it is on a hike or at the ballet.

Substitute the bad behaviour for a good one

Try taking up a new hobby like knitting or drawing to keep your mind off of excessive screen time or make some tasty mocktails with juice to help with avoiding alcohol. Try chewing gum or sipping tea when the craving for cigarette hits. Maybe you bite your nails during movies, so try to bring along a healthy snack you can eat when you get the urge. 

Visualize yourself succeeding and plan a reward

Imagine what your life will be like once you’ve kicked this unwanted habit. Maybe you’ll have more money, time, or health to look forward to. Plan a reward to set your sights on, like a new item of clothing or a special treat or experience when you hit significant milestones of quitting. Remind yourself how far you’ve come by downloading an app that tracks how long it’s been since you’ve stopped. 

These tips, matched with strong willpower and commitment to follow through, will go a long way to helping you kick your habit. Remember that you’re only human, though, and slip-ups might happen. If they do, don’t beat yourself up and give in, just get back on track. Try to analyze what went wrong and do what you can to keep it from happening again in the future. Ultimately, you are aiming for progress, not perfection. Your bad habit wasn’t built overnight, and it will undoubtedly take some time for you to completely eliminate it, perhaps with some stumbles and pitfalls along the way. The important thing is that you are taking steps (no matter how tiny!) towards a happier, healthier you in the new year, and that is a reason to be proud. Happy New Year! 

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

The Importance of Family Traditions

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The holiday season is an excellent time to engage in long-held family traditions, or a fun chance to make up some new ones. Traditions help to bond families and can have many benefits for parents and children alike. Aside from being a lot of fun, traditions give us something to look forward to, something fun to reflect upon, and a satisfying way to engage meaningfully with those we love. Traditions are especially great for children as they bolster essential aspects of child development and strengthen family unity while creating loving memories for life. Traditions can help to cultivate a happy, healthy, and fun emotional climate for your family and are a great way to increase family cohesion while sharing joy with the ones you love.

Traditions can be any combination of stories, beliefs, rituals, and customs that your family maintains and passes on from one year to the next (and one generation to another). We use these rituals to mark certain celebrations or signify meaningful events. These actions promote a sense of bonding and group identity and help children to feel included and safe. Children crave warmth and joy, and they love repetition and knowing what is expected and what comes next. Traditions check all of those boxes and more, giving a consistent, predictable, and joyful way to engage as a family. The routine and rhythm of traditions in a child’s life can be comforting and soothing, especially when the rest of life can be so unpredictable.

These rituals can help to shape personal and group identity in children as well. Many traditions have cultural, regional, and or religious/spiritual roots and may help to introduce or reinforce fundamental values that your family holds dear or wants to instill in children. Traditions are a great way to celebrate your cultural heritage and also a fun time to express your family’s uniqueness. These behaviours can also be a thoughtful way to honour those we love that have passed. Making a late grandma's cookies every Christmas might help to keep her spirit alive in a sweet way. Honouring a tradition of a loved one who has passed allows you incorporate the memory of someone who is no longer with you while providing an opportunity to tell little ones more about someone they may not have known or remember very well. Explain to your kids the history of traditions if they are ones that are passed down. Talk about what it was like for you as a child to do them and how those traditions made you feel. 

Family traditions are wonderful things; it is a shame to relegate them to only one season or major holidays. Try to think about ways you might incorporate traditions into the rest of your year, as well. You might even have some you can do monthly, weekly, or daily. In many ways, a bedtime routine is a bit of an everyday tradition. Sitting down to dinner together as a family and sharing your day, or giving thanks together, is another lovely ritual for a family to practice. Some traditions are more unique or silly, like an after-dinner dance party or wearing a funny outfit to breakfast on Sundays. Get your kids involved in the genesis and execution of new family traditions - they might surprise you with their creativity!

While traditions can be funny and lighthearted, there is growing research that they also may have meaningful and lifelong benefits for children. There is even some research to suggest that engaging in routines, rituals, and traditions may be associated with advancing language and social skill development and might correlate with academic achievement. (Spagnola & Fiese, 2007). No genuine causal relationship between these things can be drawn; however, research suggests that routines and traditions might be an essential part of the organizational structure of a healthy and happy family dynamic. This secure and emotionally supportive family structure does causally affect these previously mentioned favourable developmental outcomes. Other research suggests that traditions can increase family relationship coherence, which, in turn, can affect many aspects of the developing child as well as the closeness of the parent-child relationship. 

The holiday season can often be overwhelming. It might seem like there's no time for you to meaningfully connect with your family in the midst of everything on your to-do list. That is why this special time of year is an excellent opportunity to start or re-instate some traditions in your home. They don't have to be elaborate or expensive or time-consuming; they just have to have meaning and be shared together. These rituals not only provide structure and joy to help to mark the passage of time, but they also create an opportunity to infuse cultural and personal significance into a hectic time of year that can often be chaotic and too commercialized. This year, take some time to slow down and mindfully engage in some rituals that make it easy for your family to celebrate what is really important - each other.

References and Resources 

How Does Media Affect Body Image?

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You can’t turn on the TV or open a magazine or browser window without coming across a highly stylized, edited, and unrealistic representation of beauty. Most media present a fictional, unattainable image of what "ideal" beauty is and typically that beauty is exceedingly thin and seemingly perfect. We internalize what we see around us, and the constant barrage of these kinds of idealistic images can have very real and very negative effects on our self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and our overall mental health. The constant comparison between our own real and imperfect bodies and those depicted in the media can also profoundly affect our body image. Body image is the perception of our physical selves and the thoughts and feelings that relate to that perception. Here, we’ll examine the relationship between what we see in the media and our body image and mental health. We’ll discuss how and why images in the media can be so damaging and ways to work to combat this phenomenon.  

 Our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes about our bodies are not just a result of what we see in the mirror. They're also shaped by what we see around us and societal norms of beauty in general. Media has long been using tricks like lighting and precise angles to makes models seem more beautiful and thinner and perfect than they really are. The advent of photoshop only added to the ability of advertisers to propagate these unrealistic images. It's no wonder then that when comparing our own very real and sometimes dimply, round, or blemished bodies to these impractical images that we can come away feeling less attractive. The problem is that these images we see in the media are not representative of how real people look. They are purposely deceptive, often with the ulterior motive of encouraging you to associate their unrealistic beauty depiction with some product or service they are trying to sell you. The average model is a size 0, 2, or 4, whereas the average woman is a size 10 or 12. This disparity is intentional and problematic. 

In addition to just making you feel "less than," these unrealistic portrayals can seriously negatively alter one’s body image. Body image directly relates to our mental health in several ways. People with negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing an eating disorder and are more likely to suffer from feelings of depression, anxiety, isolation, low self-esteem, and obsessions with weight loss. This phenomenon is not isolated to young girls. While it is true that adolescent girls are particularly vulnerable to these kinds of influences, we all internalize media and can have it negatively impact our sense of self. Men and boys are also affected by unrealistic portrayals in the media and can find themselves comparing themselves to others in terms of fitness, physique, or slenderness, among other characteristics.

We know that body image is both a result of the actual image we see and the internalization of that image, which are sometimes different. Proponents of the social comparison theory speculate that people rely on external models on which to form their own self-perceptions. That suggests that what you feel about your own body is as much about you as it is about those around you. While you can't do all that much about those that surround you in real life, you can make conscious decisions about the kind of bodies and the type of beauty you encounter in media. Making decisions to tune out or avoid unrealistic perceptions of beauty like those in reality or celebrity TV or advertisements and to include more body positive and unedited images of real people in the media you consume can help to shift your external model to more realistically depict the way other people actually look. 

In addition to trying to alter the kinds of media you consume, you may find that limiting media, in general, is helpful when possible. When you find yourself comparing your body to someone else, try to turn it off or tune it out. Some people may find it helpful to reframe the narrative and remind themselves that what they are seeing is not original life, and it is not representative. Keeping that perspective is essential. Try positive self talk to counteract any negative thoughts you have about your body. Incorporating more body positive and realistic media in your life can help with this as well. Lastly, vote with your dollar and your attention. Recognize when brands or shows are depicting unrealistic beauty standards and don't buy those products or watch those shows. Take note when brands or companies are showing real and representative beauty in their media and support it! You can also voice your opposition to unrealistic and unrepresentative media when you come across it. There is a significant shift to be more inclusive and real in ads lately, and while it certainly won't change overnight, it is refreshing and important.

Even with an influx of real beauty portrayed in media, it is unlikely that the media will stop the unrealistic portrayal of beauty in our lifetimes. In fact, with ever-increasing engagement on screens and new ways to advertise, we're likely to come across more images of unrealistic beauty each day than at any other time in human history. While we can take certain steps to limit this exposure, the most important steps we can take are within ourselves. Striving to accept our bodies exactly as they are and to love them and see them as beautiful for all that they do for us is a goal we can all work towards.

 

REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

The Teen Brain

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Adolescence, the teenage years, and the transformation from child to adult is a tumultuous time full of physiological, psychological, social, and emotional changes. During these years, changes in growth and sex hormones elicit pronounced effects in the brain and body. The brain matures and shifts, reframing its ability to reason and plan as well as other essential functions. The massive flood of fluctuating hormones can also make for intense emotional cascades and volatility. Additionally, many mental illnesses first present themselves during this already difficult time. Here, we’ll examine some of the most significant and fascinating changes that go on inside the brain of a teenager.

The teenage years are, first and foremost, a time of growth in the brain. While the brain does not change much in overall size during these years, it undergoes significant shifts in terms of neurogenesis (the birth of new neurons) and synaptogenesis (the creation of new connections between neurons). The teenage brain can be described as highly “plastic.” Plasticity refers to the ability of the brain to mutate and change, often based on the environment or patterns of behavioural use. Because of this, the teen brain is particularly malleable, something that decreases with age. An old neuroscience adage is that neurons that “fire together wire together” and at no time is this more true than during the burst of growth and new paths forged during the teen years. This means that the teen years are a time where habits or behaviours (both good and bad) can become ingrained and hard to change later. This plasticity is part of why it is easier for young people to learn new things so such as a new instrument or language. Unfortunately, it also means their young spongey brains are more easily able to learn bad habits or addictions. Yet another reason that drug and alcohol use during this time is particularly harmful. However, this remarkable stage of plasticity also imparts an incredible capacity for resilience that we don’t always see in adult brains.

In addition to the growth and changes in the brain, hormones are flooding the bloodstream. A certain amount of emotional volatility during this time is normal, even expected, as the body learns to calibrate itself in the rush of a cocktail of new hormones that are constantly in flux. It can be hard to tell sometimes if certain behaviours or feelings are just the usual teenage angst or signs of something more serious. Interestingly, the vast majority of mental illnesses first present during the adolescent years. It is not known precisely why, but most psychiatric illness, including anxiety and mood disorders, psychosis, eating disorders, personality disorders, and substance abuse, seem to emerge between the ages of 11-18. In fact, 50% of mental illness begins by age 14, and three-quarters begin by age 24 (APA). If left untreated, these illnesses can have catastrophic effects on the quality of life for a teenager and beyond. Luckily, with early detection and intervention, most of these illnesses have excellent prognoses, and teens suffering from mental health problems can go on to lead happy and productive lives. Getting in the habit of seeing a mental health professional can have numerous benefits for teens. In addition to treating mental illness, many young people enjoy having an adult that is not their parent with whom they can be open and honest. A therapist is also a great resource to help teens to navigate some of the tough choices in their lives.

Speaking of choices, teenagers are notoriously bad at making them. That isn’t to say all teenagers make bad decisions, but when they do, it is often a result of the developing physiology of their brains. Adolescent brains are somewhere around 80% developed, and the remaining areas of the cortex develop over time from back to front. The very last section to finally develop is the frontal lobe, responsible for reasoning, planning, and judgment. Because of this delay, a teenager’s prefrontal cortexes, the areas of the brain responsible for what is called executive functions, self-control, and for thinking about the future, are not fully formed. These areas won’t be complete until much later in life, some researchers estimate as late as 25 or 30 years old! That means that while the rest of their brains, particularly areas associated with risk and reward, are hyped up on hormones, the part that tells the teen to slow down and consider the consequences of those actions is lagging. This is a recipe for risky decision making and poor foresight that, unfortunately, sometimes characterizes teen behaviours. This delay in the finalization of physiology is not an excuse for poor behaviour, but rather an explanation as to why sometimes even the best-meaning and formerly perfectly behaved teenagers can do reckless or impulsive things, especially when pressured by their peers.

The teenage years are a time of metamorphosis. The body and brain undergo massive restructuring and recalibration in order to mature and develop into an adult. At times these changes can be stressful and uneven. The transition from child to adult is not a smooth or seamless one, and nowhere is that reflected more acutely than in the body and brain. Learning about the physiological changes that happen during this time and having a loving support system can go a long way to helping take some of the burdens off of teens during this challenging but also unique and exciting time. Helping to establish a healthy lifestyle and encourage smart behaviours and decisions, as well as solid communication skills, are gifts that will serve teens well throughout their lifetimes.

RESOURCES and further reading

Panic Attacks and How to Cope

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Panic attacks are terrifying and can seriously interfere with daily activities and quality of life. If you've ever had a panic attack, you know the intense feelings that completely overwhelm your body and brain. In this post, we'll discuss what panic attacks are, how they work, and give you some tips and tricks for both treatment and prevention of these upsetting episodes.  While panic attacks are extremely unpleasant, they are both treatable and often preventable. Learning more about how panic attacks happen and what to do to manage them can be useful in preventing these incidents from disrupting life more than necessary. We'll outline some strategies to help understand the attacks, reduce the unpleasant symptoms, and regain control over these disruptive episodes.

We’ve all had the experience of feeling anxious at times and probably even feeling panicked. Recall for a moment what that feels like in your body- heart racing, palms sweating, dry mouth, your whole body on "high alert." This activation of a particular branch of our nervous system is an evolutionary advantage, commonly called “fight or flight” and helps to ramp up the body's defenses when faced with danger. There are times where this state of alertness serves us well- like when there is a threat to our lives or when we are faced with an imminent attack. For some people, however, the activation of fight or flight system gets out of whack, and the result can be an overwhelming bodily response that is not commensurate with the situation at hand. These incidents are called panic attacks. One of the hallmark signs of a panic attack is that is doesn't necessarily come about in a threatening situation, though it might. Some people have panic attacks seemingly out of the blue; some have reported even having them while sleeping!

Panic attacks come on suddenly and may recur. Some people only have one panic attack in their lifetimes, and others suffer from repeated attacks in what is known as Panic Disorder. Recurrent panic attacks are often triggered in a particular situation or environment. Panic attacks may occur in people that have no history of other mental health problems, or they might be part of another disorder such as anxiety, social phobia, or depression. They tend to run in families, suggesting a genetic component and typically emerge in teen years or early adulthood. Interestingly, women are twice as likely to suffer from panic disorder than men. Panic Disorder is relatively common, affecting as many as one in 75 people.

Some people who experience panic attacks report that they feel like they are literally dying. An immensely strong wave of both physiological and psychological sensations overtakes them, and they find themselves debilitated, completely immobilized by the intensity of the episodes. The following are common symptoms of panic attacks:

        1. Shortness of breath or hyperventilation

        2. Heart palpitations or racing heart

        3. Chest pain or discomfort

        4. Trembling or shaking

        5. Choking feeling

        6. Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings

        7. Sweating

        8. Nausea or upset stomach

        9. Feeling dizzy, light-headed or faint

        10. Numbness or tingling sensations

        11. Hot or cold flashes

        12. Fear of dying, losing control or going crazy

There are many lifestyle changes you can make to help reduce the likelihood of panic attacks, and most of these changes are common sense tips that make for good health regardless of if you are suffering from panic attacks: 

1. Learn about panic attacks and how anxiety manifests itself physically. The references listed here are a great place to start. Sometimes understanding how and why panic attacks occur can really help to reframe the disorder and take some of the fear out of the experience. 

2. Avoid smoking, alcohol, and caffeine. These drugs can be harmful to anyone but particularly for people who suffer from panic attacks. Also, avoid any stimulants such as those sometimes found in cold medication as they can provoke attacks.

3. Learn how to control your breathing and practice mindfulness and meditation. Try taking a yoga class or downloading a mindfulness or meditation app. Controlled deep breathing can directly and instantly counteract the overwhelming physical symptoms of a panic attack. The more you practice using this important tool, the easier it is to employ it when you need it most.

4. Exercise regularly. Exercise is perhaps the single best health-promoting behavior we can practice. Particularly for anxiety and other mental health issues that manifest themselves physically, the benefits of regular aerobic exercise cannot be overstated. 

5. Stay on top of your sleep and your stress. Too little sleep and/or too much stress can leave you frazzled and vulnerable for an attack. Try to keep your hours of sleep up and your daily stress level down to keep yourself on an even keel.

6. Set up a support system. Be sure your loved ones know about your panic attacks and how to help you if you suffer from one. Let your support system know if there are particular situations or times that you are likely to suffer from an attack so they can be there for you to help.

These tips are a great place to start to help manage panic attacks but often times they are not enough and need to be paired with the guidance and supervision of a trained professional. Only a trained professional can diagnose panic disorder and can help to get a treatment plan in place. Please reach out for help if you or someone you love is suffering from panic attacks or struggling with something else. Many proven effective therapeutic techniques specifically work for people with panic attacks and panic disorder and can be tailored to suit each individual's needs. In most cases, through lifestyle and behavioral changes, therapy, and sometimes medications, people can reduce or even eliminate panic attacks from their lives.

References and Further Reading

Importance of communication in love relationships

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Communication is a cornerstone of the foundation of a healthy romantic relationship. Honest, open, and frequent communication is an essential ingredient in the making of joyful and long-lasting love. No matter how well you know someone or how “in sync” you are, no one can read the other’s mind. Even couples that are great at communicating could almost always learn how to communicate better. Effective communication is a skill you refine and hone over a lifetime and can be useful outside of your romantic relationships as well. All relationships have ups and downs and learning to communicate effectively and kindly can help your relationship weather even the toughest situations. Excellent communication skills and habits can help to foster trust, intimacy, and profound feelings of love an acceptance in a secure and happy love relationship. Clear communication can also help to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It truly is one of the best tools that couples have at their disposal to enact proactive and meaningful change in their lives and their relationship.

Communication can help to strengthen mutual trust, honesty, and respect. It can make you feel closer to your partner and significantly impact the happiness and enjoyment you feel in your relationship. Be sure to communicate good things to your partner as well as bad ones! Sometimes people think that communication is only essential for resolving disputes or airing grievances. This approach is a bad habit to get into and can make communication something that has negative and unhappy connotations. Try to practice communicating love and praise and other positive feelings to your partner often. It feels great to feel appreciated and supported, and the more you convey supportive, kind, and loving things to your partner, the more likely they are to do so in return. An excellent exercise to try to make this type of positive communication a habit is to make sure you say one kind, affirmative, or supportive thing to your partner each day. It doesn't always have to be something big or deep (though it can be!) sometimes saying thank you and "I appreciate you" for taking out the trash or doing the dishes can go a long way. Saying kind things to one another can help to foster intimacy and build a robust framework of mutual admiration and respect.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that communicating is all about expressing your thoughts/feelings/desires. While you should absolutely make sure that you express your needs and desires, make sure that is not the only part of your communication strategy. It is imperative to remember that communication is a two-way street and one of the most important parts of communicating is really, truly listening to your partner. I'm not talking about hearing them and waiting for them to finish talking so you can say what you want to say but consciously slowing down and listening to what they are saying and trying to see things from their point of view. Active listening takes skill and patience and will serve you well in all relationships, romantic or not. Lack of effective communication can set you up for a host of unwanted problems. Misunderstanding can foster hurt, anger, resentment, and confusion.

Here are some tips for communication in your love relationship:

  • Set aside time to talk to your partner without interruption, free from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television.

  • When possible, try to communicate face to face and not through text or on the phone

  • Think about what you want to say before you say it

  • Make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean

  • Don’t say things out of anger or spite to hurt your partner as you cannot take these things back

  • Sleep on it! The old adage of not going to bed angry does not work for a lot of couples. If things get heated, take some time and space to cool down and regroup.

  • Accept responsibility for your own feelings and behaviors

  • Talk about what you want, need, and feel. Use "I" statements such as "I need" "I want" and "I feel."

  • LISTEN to your partner. Try to put aside your own thoughts and really try to understand their intentions, feelings, wants, and needs. Put yourself in their shoes as much as possible.

  • Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate or admire, and how important they are to you.

  • Be aware of your tone of voice and body language

  • Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time.

  • Let it go. Ask yourself if the issue or grievance you have is truly that important. If it is not, let it go, or agree to disagree.

  • Don’t look at disagreements with your partner as a battle to “won” You both win when you engage in healthy, kind, communication.

If you’ve tried these tips and you’re still struggling, you may find that having a neutral third party to help facilitate the communication between you and your partner can be very useful. If you’re having trouble with communication in your relationship or something else, please reach out to us at Rivers Edge Counselling Centre. 

Genuine, honest, open communication is hard work! Communication requires practice and openness and willingness, and it is impossible to get it right 100% of the time. Nobody is perfect, and even the healthiest couples fight and sometimes communicate in ways that are not useful or empathic. Like any behavior, however, the more you can get into the habit of communicating kindly and effectively, the easier it is for that to become your default mode of operation. The important thing is that you both feel that healthy, open, honest communication is an essential goal for you and that you strive to work towards it together. 

References and Further Reading:

Perfectionism

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Perfectionism is a problem a lot of people struggle with. Having high standards is great but having standards that are too high can leave you feeling like nothing is ever good enough. Have you ever heard the old adage that perfectionism is the enemy of done? Sometimes productivity can really suffer when we’re too focused on getting something “just right” instead of getting it finished and moving on to the next thing. This obsession with perfection can actually hold you back from accomplishing great things. The first step is realizing that things are not always going to be perfect and that’s okay. Try creating more realistic goals and expectations for yourself and remember to be kind to yourself. Try challenging your inner critic and ask yourself if you would criticize someone else the way you criticize yourself. Being a perfectionist can be exhausting, and sometimes lead to stress, anxiety and other problems like procrastination. It can also keep you from celebrating your accomplishments because you’re so focused on what is wrong instead of what is right. Realize that you have the power to change your perfectionist habits through compassionate self-love and radical acceptance of the fact that everything is imperfect - and that’s perfectly okay.

Take a Deep Breath. Here's Why.

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“Take a deep breath.” We’ve all heard this old adage at some point, but you may not know that it is grounded in some really solid science. Deep breathing is one of the best tools we all have at our disposal to center the body and mind and regain composure. You can do it anytime, anywhere, it is completely free and easy to master. While many ancient cultures have extolled the virtues of deep breathing for centuries, modern scientists are now shedding light on how this fundamental technique can almost instantly benefit your body, mind, and spirit. Sometimes it feels like we’re not in control of the way our body and brain react to a situation, but deep breathing reminds us that our behaviors can have profound influence over our heart rate, blood pressure, and mood. 

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Good Stress vs. Bad Stress

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By Lily M. Bowles, M.S. 

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The very word “stress” can instantly evoke feelings of anxiety and tension. These negative connotations arise as we are constantly hearing how stress is bad for the body and brain. We’re told that stress can damage everything from the heart to the brain and even the immune system, elevating our risks of cardiovascular disease and even cancer. There is no doubt chronic, overwhelming, and negative stress is harmful and a persistent and growing problem in today's society. What you may not know, however, is that a little bit of the right kind of stress can actually be genuinely good for you! Scientists call this ‘good’ stress eustress, from the Latin ‘eu’ meaning “well” and it is different from the bad stress, sometimes referred to as "distress" in several ways. Researchers think that having a healthy dose of the right kind of stress can, in fact, be beneficial to your body, mind, and spirit. This healthy stress surprisingly improves both our focus and performance and may be an essential part of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

There are several important distinctions between healthy, positive stress and toxic negative stress. Healthy stressors often elicit some or all of the following characteristics:

  1. They motivate and focus energy

  2. They are short-term

  3. They  are perceived as within our coping abilities

  4. They feel exciting

  5. They improve performance and focus

These qualities may help you reframe a stressor as something stimulating and challenging but ultimately enjoyable. Meeting these positive stressors head on can result in immense feelings of euphoria, success, invigoration, and accomplishment. Small doses of beneficial stress can be motivating, revitalizing and encouraging. In the absence of any stress at all, we can feel listless, bored and without direction or purpose. Good stress can kick us into high gear, exciting the body and brain to tackle new challenges. There is even evidence it can help to improve memory and performance on both cognitive and physical tasks. Good stress may even help to fortify the immune system and improve cardiovascular health!

The nature of a positive stressor is in stark contrast to the characteristics of a negative stressor, the kind of things we typically associate with the word "stress". Negative stressors usually check some or all of the following boxes:

  1. They cause anxiety or concern

  2. They can be short or long term

  3. They are perceived as outside of our coping abilities

  4. They feel unpleasant

  5. They decrease performance

  6. They can lead to mental and physical problems. 

It is sometimes hard to concretely categorize what makes stressors "good" or "bad" because different people can have very different stress responses to the exact same situation. Public speaking is a great example of this. What is thrilling and exciting to one person can be absolutely debilitatingly stressful to another. This wide variety of individualized stress responses truly illustrates how much of the manifestation of stress is not in the experience itself, but in how you perceive it. We do also have to be careful of oversimplifying this, however, and resist the urge to put each stressful experience in a discrete box of "good" or "bad." Some experiences are both good and bad stressors, vacillating between the two and containing a healthy mix of both. The experience of having a new baby, for example, can bring immense joy but the physical toll of giving birth and the inevitable sleep deprivation can be very negative stressors. Additionally, the anxiety over having a new set of responsibilities can sometimes almost overwhelm the feelings of joy and love. Much of the stressfulness of experiences like these are dependent on a variety of other factors as well, such as social support and the individual's outlook and mindset.

 

There are some pretty clear-cut examples of both positive and negative stressors, however, like the death of a friend or family member which is almost always a negative stress experience. Profound losses of any kind typically fall into the harmful stress category, including divorce or separation, loss of a job or other meaningful relationship. Instances of abuse, neglect, severe injury or illness are all negative stress experiences as well. Alternatively, there can be life events that are exciting and joyful, yet still taxing. These full into the category of positive stressors. Examples include new relationships, marriage, children, buying a home, moving, starting a new job or getting a raise or promotion. Going on a first date is an excellent example of a positive stressor. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and your body has a clear cut stress response, though typically it is an enjoyable one! These positive stress experiences can be profoundly stressful in the way that they alter our lives and require more of us, yet they are often immensely satisfying and give us great feelings of accomplishment. Once the experience is no longer stressful, we typically look back on these memories with fondness and even pride.

There is some emerging evidence that the way that you think about stress can actually change the way it manifests itself in the body. Notice that one of the most significant differences between eustress and distress is whether or not the challenge is perceived as within our coping abilities. When we believe that we have the capacity to overcome a stressor it can be seen as a challenge and even be fun. When we feel that a stressor is outside of our abilities, it seems unmanageable and scary. In this instance, we tend to project failure and become overwhelmed by the experience.  

In addition to trying to reframe the stressor as within our capabilities, here are a few more tips for managing stress:

  1. Take care of yourself: exercise, eat healthy whole foods and sleep

  2. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and other drugs

  3. Try mindfulness, meditation or other deep breathing or relaxation techniques

  4. Try to set up a support network of friends and family you can turn to in stressful times

  5. Try to get ahead of things by setting up a time management system that works for you.

  6. Go easy on yourself! Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics. Try reframing your accomplishments.

Both negative and positive stress can be overwhelming at times. If you are struggling with stress or something else in your life, please reach out to us at Rivers Edge Counselling Centre. Building the right support structure for your mental and physical health is essential, no matter what life throws at you. 


REFERENCES & FURTHER READING